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News Item: ” USA Today Drops Larry King Column.”

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O.K., everybody and his brother has done a apology of Larry King’s USA Today column, so let me accomplish this clear: This is not a apology . This is an hommage , an appreciation, a alarm for reconsideration.

I accept to admit, I’ve advised accomplishing a apology myself in the past: His cavalcade was at times parodiable, what with the allegedly accidental chain of musings and meanderings, plugs, name-drops and nostalgia. All those one- and two-sentence assertions, questions, cracker-barrel philosophizing, forth with the acumen of Chairman Frank.

Some of the parodies accept been funny (Maureen Dowd’s), some accept been funny and atrocious (I saw one from The Onion advantaged “I Am Fucking Insane”).

But now that USA Today has appear that it’s bottomward the King column, I anticipate I’m activity to absence it, and conceivably the time has appear for a reconsideration of what we’ve lost. A reconsideration, at the absolute least, of the form, the signature cabalistic accessory active by Mr. King’s column: the three-dot adumbration …

To advice those alien with the anatomy to get a activity of the King column, here’s a compression of several affair sentences from a contempo one, affiliated by his three dots1:

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“Angelina Jolie, whose blur Aboriginal Sin opened Friday, tells me she has annihilation in the works appropriate now … Julie Andrews tells me she is ‘certain’ she will sing afresh … A abode additionally to my man, Don Imus … I’m absolute appreciative of my wife, Shawn. She’s a abundant accompanist and a agitating aptitude who chooses to be a mother aboriginal … Steve Martini’s newest thriller, The Lath … is a cracklin’ acceptable read. It’s a abstruse whodunit. The alone catechism I accept is why the title? The lath plays no allotment in the plot. Abiding there’s a trial, but that’s alone a baby allotment of the assignment … Mark Brenner who aloof appeared on The View on ABC has a appealing acceptable self-help book declared Angled for Success … Mark gives you the ins and outs of the apple of tipping, which I anticipate stands for ‘to assure able service.’”

And this is from The Onion parody: “Five account with Walter Matthau is like ten years in an Ivy League academy … It’s a abashment what’s accident in Sarajevo … Kudos to those accomplished association who accomplish Bugles so consistently adorable … Boy, do I abhorrence this shirt … What’s that guy over there doing? … The Amish accomplish accomplished houses … “

While the parodies of the King cavalcade and the apology of sophisticates tend to focus on how aged the three-dot cavalcade anatomy was, at atomic in Mr. King’s hands, I would advance that it should be looked aloft not as aged but as postmodern .

Those three dots are not bald ellipses; they are aporiae , as we admired to alarm them at Yale alum school. They are embodied absences, gaps and silences that allege eloquently of that which is lost, missing links that alarm into catechism the absolute angle of linkage.

The credible absence of causal or analytic or contemporary affiliation bidding by the three-dot ellipses is a allegory for the absence of causal argumentation in the cosmos itself, the gaps, the atramentous holes in the absolute arena of being.

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Larry King’s three dots deconstruct the apocryphal notions of coherence, the common apparition of accord that accepted columnists are aimless disciplinarian to. His ellipses about-face the stream-of-consciousness so advantaged by modernists into disjunctures–no best a connected stream, but bald alone aerosol of alertness … absolute postmodern.

Larry King has learned, and Larry King teaches, the assignment of the abundant Derrida: that to seek adherence from the accounting chat is to whore afterwards a apocryphal god who will consistently adjourn the apparent affiance of a final acceptation to a point always aloft our grasp.

Now in attempting an hommage , in attempting to put my abounding aimless thoughts for this week’s cavalcade into three-dot form, I can’t affirmation that I accept accomplished the haiku-like compression of Larry King. So accede this not an imitation, but a apprehensive tribute:

Here’s an approximate alteration … From the cavalcade that’s no best there (Larry’s) to The Man Who Wasn’t There … It’s the new blur from the Coen brothers, and it’s agitating (their best back The Big Lebowski ) … You won’t be able to see it until it opens on Nov. 2… The point is that Billy Bob Thornton is an amazing chilling attendance in this blur … And what’s absolutely arresting is: He’s a asleep ringer for Gary Condit (I kid you not) … It’s a black-and-white neo-noir, and Billy Bob has this haunted, vacant, empty, ghostly, bleached-out face … Acquaint me you don’t see the affinity … And it’s set in Condit country, too … Up there in Santa Rosa, Calif. … I visited there already …

There’s article abroad to Billy Bob’s face in The Man Who Wasn’t There … He’s not aloof haunted, he’s about following … He drifts through the blur like a crank (this is not a criticism) … What is it about the allurement of the following state? We admired it in The Sixth Sense . We admired it (or I did, anyway) in The Others … Do we all sometimes feel a little like one of The Asleep in the bosom of activity … Does the abstraction of actuality asleep advice us acknowledge activity … Or Larry King? Aloof asking.

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I’ll aloof appear out and say it … In some ways, The Man Who Wasn’t There absolutely is the Gary Condit adventure … And speaking of Condit, I charge accept that afterwards afraid for a while, I’m alpha to get into Conditology … It’s amorphous to attain the affluence and complication of some of the abundant antecedent scandal-exegesis matrices … I anticipate what assuredly afflicted my apperception was the contentment Mickey Kaus, Conditology avant-garde (and common three-dot columnist himself), has taken in the accountable in his kausfiles.com online cavalcade (linked through Slate ) … His “Condit-Obsessives’ Corner: Watch the Watch,” a circuitous abstraction of the assorted accessible implications of the base Condit auctioning of the watchbox (but not the watch), was admirable … Gave to the Condit adventure a affectionate of Trollopean dimension, in that it aback reminded me of my admired Trollope novel, The Eustace Diamonds , which revolves (for 900 pages or so) about the affair of a misappropriated account of adornment … But I accept to accept that in his consecutive post-Chung “The Hidden Genius of Condit’s P.R. Campaign,” Kaus larboard me a bit abaft in his active flights of contrarian reverse-spin argumentative assumption … Still, I appetite added … No, I don’t anticipate he dead her … But I anticipate he’s still lying and ambuscade article … I anticipate he met her the day she disappeared, and he’s ambuscade article about that affair … and it wasn’t a appointment to Baskin-Robbins with her abatement coupons.

But while we’re on the accountable of death, or following activity … Will addition amuse acquaint me that the new Albert Brooks movie, My Aboriginal Mister , is a atrocious antic … I wrote a cavalcade a brace of years ago back Mr. Brooks’ aftermost film, The Muse , debuted (see: “Dear Albert Brooks: Amuse Don’t Go Warm,” The New York Observer , Aug. 30, 1999) … I talked about what I anticipation was a alarming addiction in this best blithely able banana artist: to try to accomplish himself adorable … To try to accomplish himself a warm, audience-friendly, boilerplate cine brilliant … Who needs addition one of those back there’s alone one Albert Brooks … But did he listen? The new film, in which he co-stars with Leelee Sobieski (directed by the able Christine Lahti), has him go so balmy he about melts … So balmy it could be a chicken Albert Brooks apology of an amateur who thinks he needs to “go warm” … An amateur absolutely bedeviled with acceptable the “Humanitas” Award, as Brooks’ actualization was in The Muse … So balmy you appetite to puke … So balmy it reminds you of the end of Brooks’ amazing aboriginal feature, Absolute Activity (a prophetic banter of “reality TV” and one of the two or three funniest American movies anytime made) … Back Brooks advisers antic architecture and reenacts the burning-of-Atlanta arena from Gone With the Wind … Somebody amuse sit Albert Brooks bottomward and allocution with him; he acutely won’t accept to me … An “intervention” ability be declared for. Stop him afore he becomes broiled over …

Speaking of warmth, let me accomplish a alteration to the Sun … Absolutely to the Sun in my “Sun Studios” T-shirt … I achievement you don’t apperception if I abode about my admired T-shirt … That’s what a three-dot cavalcade is for! … I got it, of course, bottomward at Sun Studios on Union Avenue in Memphis … It’s the anti-Graceland … Sun Studios is breadth bedrock music was born, Graceland is breadth it died … Well, that’s unfair–rock ‘n’ cycle will never die … But bedrock ‘n’ cycle was built-in in that abundant little aperture in the bank breadth Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis and Johnny Cash aboriginal recorded … Breadth Ike Turner and the Kings of Rhythm recorded what abounding accept was the absolute aboriginal bedrock song, “Rocket 88” … (I know, I know, there’s a lot of altercation over that … Get a activity … ) The important affair is, Sun Studios is the locus of one of the abundant artistic moments in avant-garde American ability … Plus their T-shirt is, to my mind, beautiful: a big ablaze chicken sun on a atramentous accomplishments with a atramentous banty crowing in the affection of the sun … Sun was one of the aboriginal boilerplate labels to accord articulation to atramentous singers … And aloof about every time I abrasion it, some dude will point to it or nod out of account and acceptance … And at parties, back anyone asks, “Have you been to Sun Studios?”, I like to say “Yes, I recorded there,” or “Yes, I laid bottomward some advance there” … Because that’s the abundant thing–for a fee, they’ll let you lay bottomward your own articulate clue on the adept of one of the aboriginal bedrock ‘n’ cycle abstract aboriginal recorded there … on the aboriginal equipment, the aboriginal mike and complete lath … The aboriginal accessories whose acclaimed flaw–some out-of-sync affair in the complete recording– created the signature Sun echoey aftereffect that able those recordings with some affectionate of spooky, spectral, following power.

I chose to do the vocals for “Heartbreak Hotel” … I was abhorrent … Except for one moment, I thought, back the King goes into that accomplished glottal “You make-a me so-a lonely, baby” alliteration affair … I aboveboard feel I was briefly in a breadth … Afterward, back the flat architect handed me the tape, he gave me analytical attending and said, “You were kinda accomplishing a beatnik affair there, was that it?” … It wasn’t absolutely a compliment, I don’t think, but he affectionate of accustomed my moment … It was a big adventure … I was bottomward there during “Death Week,” the crusade of Elvis fanatics to the Graceland grave site, autograph about Elvis ability for The Times Magazine (the piece, “Elvis Heals,” is reprinted in my collection, The Secret Parts of Fortune –hey, it wouldn’t be a Larry King hommage after a bung or two).

I begin Afterlife Week perversely affective and assured by conjecturing that our affection for the backward Elvis has article to do with the alteration America has fabricated “from the adolescent basic innocent avant-garde nation we already were … to the aggrandized colossus we feel we’ve become: the Fat Elvis of nations” …

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By the way, I can still accept to Graceland –the anthology itself and the Paul Simon song of that name–almost compulsively at times … Anyway, I anticipate the actuality that I’ve “recorded” at Sun Studios earns me the appropriate to abrasion my Sun Studios T-shirt about all the time (well, I accept three of them in rotation) … By the way, I’m not the alone one who feels this civil against the abode … U2 fabricated a crusade there to almanac for Rattle and Hum , and one song they did there, “Angel of Harlem,” is one of the chiefly admirable anthems of that absolute anthemic bandage …

Breadth was I? … In Memphis … Which reminds me, in a way, of Bob Dylan. It is breadth he aboriginal discovered, breadth he aboriginal recorded, that “wild mercury sound” I wrote about afresh ( The Observer , May 28) … That complete he’d been analytic for but hadn’t begin till a recording affair for Blonde on Blonde in 1965 in Memphis … You ability anamnesis that in that Dylan column, I declared aloft readers to accelerate in their suggestions for the distinct best able affecting stanza–quatrain, passage, moment, whatever–in all of Dylan’s work. (Mine was from “If You See Her Say Hello” on Blood on the Advance ) … I’ve had a lot of annoying suggestions with explanations beatific to me from acute readers … and now, with a new Dylan anthology about to appear out (but not, as of columnist time, in my hands), I anticipate the time has appear for me to accompany this contest–well, not absolutely challenge ; no award-winning except my approval–to a aing … So it’s now or never: accelerate your suggestions anon to The Edgy Alliance, 577 Second Avenue, Box 105, New York, N.Y. 10016.

And as continued as I’m giving out the address, I appetite to acknowledge all of you who beatific contributions to the “City Critters Stumpy Fund” to that abode … City Critters is the abundantly committed and acutely careful cat-rescue accumulation … In my adieu cavalcade to my admired orange “mambo cat” Stumpy, I asked readers to accord to a armamentarium in his anamnesis to advice pay for the medical analysis of afflicted strays, and the adorning and acceptance action City Critters is so acceptable at, decidedly with afflicted or crumbling bodies … You can analysis out some of the absolutely heartwarming after-effects on http://www.citycritters.org … Click on “Stumpy’s Page” and articulation to “Stumpy’s Kids” to see bodies that accept been adored with Observer readers’ contributions. (Please accelerate checks fabricated out to City Critters apparent “for the Stumpy Fund” to the abode above.)

And now for a absolutely different alteration … I still disagree with Donald Foster about the declared “Shakespearean” Funeral Elegy (Mr. Foster is the Vassar assistant of abstract best accepted for accepting apparent Joe Klein as the columnist of Primary Colors , and for accepting articular a affecting 600-line Funeral Elegy disregarded for centuries as one of Shakespeare’s aftermost works) … But I accept he deserves added acclaim than he’s been accepting from reviewers for solving, I anticipate definitively, a somewhat bottom but nonetheless important bewilderment of American cabalistic history: whether Thomas Pynchon already acclimated the pseudonym “Wanda Tinasky” to pen long, Pynchonesque-sounding belletrist to California’s Anderson Valley Advertiser , a much-admired crusading account appear in the breadth Pynchon was said to accept inhabited during the aeon he was autograph Vineland … I wrote about the catechism (in a allotment additionally calm in The Secret Parts of Fortune ), and while I aloof acumen definitively, I begin the belletrist conspicuously Pynchonesque in a cardinal of their cabalistic arcane and pop-culture references … I will accept to absent it to be accurate … But Don Foster, in what I anticipate is an absorbing accomplishment of archival research, has apparent it with a authoritativeness far aloft any I would acclaim to his “Shakespeare discovery” … His book, Columnist Unknown , is account account aloof for this window into the apperception of the eccentric, peripatetic, conceivably adverse actualization who was the absolute Wanda Tinasky …

Here are some added books, films and songs I appetite you not to miss: Tim Riley’s book on Beatles lyrics, Acquaint Me Why –the best allotment of autograph about accepted music, from addition a about music, that I’ve apprehend … Thanks to Kent Jones of Blur Comment , who wrote in abutment of my acknowledgment of Slacker … and to acclaim Richard Linklater’s accessible activated film, Waking Activity … Mr. Jones additionally acicular out article important I was blind of … the “oblique strategy” cards in Slacker were allotment of an absolute accouter by Brian Eno and can be begin on the web at http://www.rtqe.net/ObliqueStrategies/ …

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I’ll absence the backward Robert Jones, a attenuate cabalistic admirer who was the editor of the HarperPerennial issues of my aftermost two books …

“More Than a Feelin’,” the late-70’s ability carol by Boston, is immortal! … Can anybody explain to me Greil Marcus’ Sunday Times Arts and Leisure allotment on the new Dylan album? … I’m academic that Mr. Dylan said, “Well, Greil, I’ll accord you an interview, but you can’t portray it like an account absolutely happened .” I’m not abiding what was activity on … “God Alone Knows”: my appointee for the greatest Beach Boy song … The book I’m best appreciative to accept blurbed afresh is Tom Frank’s One Market Beneath God : It’s destined to become a archetypal of American culture, the way Frederick Lewis Allen’s Alone Yesterday was …

And how about this to aing with: It’s from The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola , the architect of the Jesuits who was–I don’t apperceive how to put this delicately–a absolute interesting, cool mystic, too … He believed in programming the apperception for athrill trances (and, like, this was afore acclaim and all that), and I came beyond a access in The Spiritual Exercises which said article new and interesting, I think, about allurement and distractions: “For frequently the adversary of our animal attributes tempts added beneath the actualization of acceptable back one is appliance oneself in the anecdotic way.”

Dude’s got a point, I anticipate … Until the aing time, I apperceive I plan to exercise in the anecdotic way, and I achievement you do, too …

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